Rufus: Just Saying: Getting into the Holiday Spirit

Rufus: Just Saying: Getting into the Holiday Spirit 
4 December 2014 

It’s almost CHRISTMAS!!! And the People are getting into the spirit. Me too.
First thing to getting into the spirit: get happy, laugh. What’s funny? Washing The CAT! 





Since NikkiCat’s fur is all black, mud spots don’t show on him like on me. But trust me he’s NOT  getting himself cleaner than I get myself. So, if I get baths, then: WASH THE CAT! 
Here are my two favorite methods.
I’ve adapted these online directions to give to the DadPeople.

First :Fast Wash for the DadPeople to hurry up so we can go Out to Play, but The Cat deserves needs a bath.
Use the toilet.
  1. Put both toilet lids up. (if you’re in a hurry, just the top lid will do. It’s honestly not that hard to stuff a cat in a toilet. Do NOT ask how I know this.)  Squirt at least an 1/8 cup of kitty shampoo into the bowl. More makes for impressive bubbles. Never can have too many bubbles.
  2. Pick up The Cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
I’ll bark to encourage The Cat.

3. In one smooth movement, stuff put The Cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. I can help. 

4. The Cat will self-agitate and make suds. BUBBLES!  Never mind the loud noises, The Cat is actually enjoying this. Trust me. 

5. Flush three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have the MomPeople open the front door of our home. Be sure no one stands between the toilet and the front door.

7. Standing behind the toilet as far as you can, (it may be a little crowded because I’ll already be there.) quickly lift both toilet lids.

8. The Cat will rocket out out, streak through the room, and run outside where he will dry himself off. I’ll be right behind barking encouragement.

9. Both the commode and The Cat will be sparkling clean. The Cat will air dry. 

10. We can go Out and play! 
Sincerely,
The Dog 


If it’s a rainy day, and I’m not going out anyway, this second method provides a LOT more entertainment. I found this one at:  http://www.killsometime.com/jokes/511/How-to-bathe-your-cat

How to bathe your cat

1) First …. dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask, and welders gloves. (Trust me DadPeople, this is a minimum!) 

2) A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.

3) Have the kitty shampoo and towel in the enclosed bathtub area beforehand. No… blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested. Although if you still have him penned up in the glass enclosed bathtub… 

4) Fill the tub with water a little warmer than needed. It’ll take us a while to locate The Cat, and the water will cool. (Except I’m a hound; I’ll find him. You’re welcome. You just need to pull him out from under the couch. Ooops, did I leak his favorite hidey place?) 
Position everything strategically in the bath, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub. (I’ll bark for the MomPeople if The Cat pins you under the water. She has an elephant anesthesia gun, right?)

5) Once we sneak up on The Cat, pick him up nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him to the supper dish. No need to worry about The Cat noticing your strange attire, The Cat barely notices you anyway.

6) Once we and The Cat are inside the bathroom speed is essential. I’ll shove the bathroom door shut while you get into the tub, closing the sliding doors, but not blocking my view from outside. Drop the cat into the water. While The Cat is still in a state of shock locate the shampoo.  (Which doesn’t taste all that good, so No I didn’t eat it while you weren’t looking.)  Quickly squirt whatever part of The Cat is above the water line. We are about to begin a really fun wild 45 seconds. Remember cats have no handles, and he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off, and he’s madder than hell. (So, that’s like having, what? a really angry electric eel with slashing claws aimed at you? Remember, don’t block my view.)  

7) As best, you can, wearing the welder’s gloves, try to field his body as he
catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another
squirt of shampoo while his body is fully exposed.

During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slides down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.

9) Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. (I’ll have laughed myself into needing to go out to pee by now.) The Cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass at this point and will use your next attempt to grab onto the first available part of you.

10) Next, the cat must be dried. No, this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out, and The Cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. I suggest you drain the tub and, in full view of The Cat, reach for the bottle of shampoo.

11) The Cat is smarter than he looks. If you have done step 10 correctly, The Cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of The Cat is disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping him up in a towel.

12) Be sure The Cat is firmly tied-up wrapped in the towel before opening tub enclosure. Remember I’m outside the tub and … I have a tender nose which I don’t need Cat-swiped, again.
Open bathroom door …. put towel-wrapped cat on the floor and jump back. Into the tub, if possible, (I’ll already be in there checking to see if kitty shampoo-water is tastier than kitty shampoo) and do not open enclosure until all you can see in the bathroom is the shredded towel.

13) In about 2 hours …. it will be safe to exit the bathroom.The Cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge.

Which is when we go OUT to play!!!! 

Rufus :)  
NikkiCAT, trust me, it’s safe to come out. 




[All photos used in Kath-LettersfromEarth.blogspot.com are the sole property of Kath Marsh. Not to be reprinted. ]

Comments

  1. Oh, Rufus -- don't get your hopes up. My kittehs say to tell your People that all they have to do is lick the NikkCat clean like God intended.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rufus: Does NikkiCat taste good like deer poop or peanut butter cookies?

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