A Tale of Purple Voting
A Tale of Purple Votes
23 May 2013
Everybody here is very excited about the CBAY Books contest. Pansy is doing homework to keep her mind off the waiting. Abdon is sulking, because I won’t allow her to ‘stuff the ballot box’. I was a tiny bit tempted until I thought about what a High Demon like Abdon might stuff a ballot box with. Even though the voting is online, that doesn’t rule out her finding a way to use actual bodies.
But minor demon Posso and dragon Chester can’t settle down. So I gave them something to keep them busy. I have been planning on going through my closets for a year now. It seemed like a good time to get the project started. Amazingly they were very enthusiastic about the idea.
I thought they’d just empty the closets and find boxes for thrift shop donations. But when the house got really quiet, I went to check. When I walked in, they were busily sealing up an overstuffed box with the last of my packing tape.
They had been too intent on their work to notice me until I cleared my throat. Posso jumped, Chester hiccuped and swallowed the tape he had been licking for extra stickiness.
Pansy stood by the window. “Ask them what’s in the box.”
Posso threw his body over the carton and said, “Nothing.” He glared at Pansy.
At that moment Chester hiccuped. The tape came back up along with a short blast of flame that caught the fur on top of Posso’s head. Posso swatted at it but only managed to fan the flames on his head.
Pansy looked at me. I said, “Go ahead.”
She threw her ice water on Posso, drenching him and putting out the fire.
Without a word of thanks, Posso tore open the box and started to pull everything out. He tossed the items on the bed, examining each for any kind of damage. When he finished, there was an impressive pile of purple stuff. Several pairs of socks, two shirts, three t-shirts, a sweater, a pair of purple plastic clogs, a golf visor, an umbrella I don’t remember ever owning, and a bathing suit I do remember.
“You know what they’re doing, right?” Pansy said.
“Collecting purple stuff. But why?” I plucked the purple plastic clogs out of the pile. “Hey, I was looking for these. They’re my gardening shoes.”
Posso made a grab for them, but I held them up out of his reach. “What is this all about?”
Posso growled. And I replied, “Do you want me to buy more peanut butter or not?”
He stopped growling and nodded. “Then out with it. Why does it look like you’re stealing everything purple in my house?”
Chester flapped his little wings and swooped past my hand, nipping the clogs out of my grip.
“Give those back or there seriously will be no peanut butter in this house for the next month.”
With a quick loop-the-loop Chester flapped back to me, landed, and placed the clogs by my feet. Then he gave me his biggest most innocent dragon stare.
Usually that’s enough to melt me into doing whatever he wants, but I had this really bad feeling. I hardened my heart. “Why are you guys taking all the purple stuff?”
“Peanut butter?” Posso asked.
“If you tell me what you’re doing.”
“This is going to be good. If you think you’re mad at Abdon, then this is going to be really good.” Pansy said.
Posso stuck his furry tongue out at Pansy, but said, “Spell make Pansy Pants & the Search for Magic win contest. Become official book.”
It’s hard to be mad at Posso or Chester especially when they’re trying to help, but I wanted our book to win fair and square. “No. I don’t think so. No spells.”
“You’ll change your mind when you see what they did to your old junker car.” Abdon stood in the doorway, her pale arms folded across a navy golf shirt I know was in my closet this morning.
“My car is not a junker. It’s an antique.”
“Fine. Now it’s a purple antique.” Abdon smiled. “You know you resemble one of those carp at the lake with your mouth gaping open like that. Not your best look.”
“My Beemer, my beemer, my beemer...” I kept saying. I’ve had that car for twenty-three years, since long before Abdon or Pansy came into my life.
“Yes, your junker, your junker, your junker is a thing of purple.” Abdon smiled and waited for me to say something else.
But I was too stunned.
Pansy chimed in, “They found a spell in my old magic book. I tried to tell them you wanted just honest votes, but ...” she shrugged.
“Needed 13 purple stuffs,” Posso said, smiling.
I looked at the pile. Only twelve items. “So my car was number 13. But, but, but, it’s not purple.”
Posso held up a can of purple spray paint that had been on the bottom of the carton. “Now is. Almost ready for spell. Pretty good, huh?”
“NOOO! I don’t want you to cheat to win. And I don’t want my car to be purple.”
“Oops.” Posso said.
“Chrut row,” Chester said in his best Scooby Doo imitation.
So the spell is cancelled. My beloved car is purple. We’ll be having a yard sale to pay for my car to be repainted. There will be no purple votes in the ballot box.
And we wait.
Pansy Pants & the Search for Magic
Voting for the CBAY Books contest continues through May 30 at: