De Fluffing: Not a Team Sport

De Fluffing: Not a Team Sport
    24  July 2012
Night Three of TDF, The DeFluffing: The Prince Consort comes out of the bathroom crowing. Despite the fact that he has not joined in the dieting, he’s LOST 3 POUNDS! 
Hello. In what alternate universe is that fair? He had Pepsis AND peanut butter and crackers yesterday, while he spent the day keeping close supervision on the British Open from his recliner. I ate salad and power-walked in the humid morning until my hair frizzed me into a Bozo the clown clone. 
All his life TPC’s been slim. Until now. He retired and became the house chef, and we both got fluffy. Here I am trying to pee out two of the Great Lakes just to see weight loss. He does nothing, and loses the same amount of weight. 
Or did he? Just maybe he sucked my weight loss out of me and took it over for his own. After all, if I was holding as much water as I think, shouldn’t I have lost six pounds instead of three? Not that dieting is making me paranoid. Make that more paranoid. 
Day Six: So I’m now four pounds down. A half pound loss on today’s weigh-in. From years of doing this, I know I’ve started into the non-Great Lakes water loss. I’m losing the fat. YAY!!! 
And TPC is looking slimmer. Hello! I figured it out. He’s a weight loss vampire. He is NOT counting calories. He’s not measuring his food into progressively smaller and smaller bowls and dishes. And yet it’s his tummy that’s flatter. 
Matter is neither created nor destroyed. So if it disappears off TPC’s gut, where did it go? Yeah, the person standing around closest to him. ME! So much for that stuff I read about how much easier it is to lose weight as a team with your spouse. Like I don’t know the gender of the scientists who spread that around! Males! To get gullible wives to diet along with their husbands so the wives are where the matter-weight goes. 
Now I know why supposedly it’s easier for men to lose weight than women. Uh, huh. 
Well, I’m not dumping TPC. So that leaves working harder and losing enough weight for both of us. We’ll BOTH get healthy or else. 
So There! 
Kath: the De-Fluffer in Chief  


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