Weighty Solutions

Weighty Solutions
29 July 2011
I love the tips on the Internet. Okay. I know some of them are meant to be jokes, but then there are the REALLY good ones.  
Yesterday a friend sent a tip on dieting. She was dumping her diet for Dawn. Seems she’d finally read the label of the detergent carefully, and guess what? It dissolves fat that is hard to remove. HELLO! What have I been trying to do through years of dieting? 
My friend figured first step she’d swap her ‘volumizing’ shampoo for the Dawn. Absolutely. How could I have missed this basic step? Years of adding body to my hair? How many pounds was that?
 This is so good. I might even let the nurse weigh me next time I go to the doctor, once all that heavy body is out of my hair. You probably already know that you are Not required by the laws of man and God to be weighed each time you show up at the doctor’s office. An allergy is not a capital offense punishable by public weighing. 
I came to this revelation on a particularly snarky day, yeah another one, and I refused to be weighed. The nurse was a bit gob-smacked but didn’t call the police. My doctor simply asked if I’d gained or lost an unusual amount of weight since last visit. Puleeze. Define unusual. A loss of a pound would be celebratory, a gain of five or more pounds would mean the WholeSale Club is missing a shelf of Cheezits. 
After I found out about Dawn, I offered to pick up lots for anyone interested when The Prince Consort and I did our WareHouse Club trip. But I was real honest. I couldn’t swear there’d be leftover Dawn after I allotted what I would need. 
And yes, when we went shopping, I forgot. In the frenzy of finding the six pound bag of multi colored pasta, I drove past the Dawn. But in balance, The Prince Consort came back from his assigned mission to find a box of 300 zip lock bags before I could load up on snacks. So the Cheezits are still at the WareHouse Club. 
The Dawn cure is on hold. But listen to this! I opened my science news email to find this: Invisibility Cloak Hides Objects from Human View. 
Well, hello, Science! Get me one of the ‘hide-the-extra-pounds’- size Fluffy Invisibility Cloak. 
Kath, who is eagerly searching the Internet for that cloak. 

Comments

  1. Damn! So it's that volumizing shampoo that is responsible for this body of mine! Glad to know the truth at last!

    ReplyDelete

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