Retirement is Fattening

Retirement is Fattening
26 June 2011
So The Prince Consort announced he was retiring. HUH? I kind of blanked out. All I could think was: Where are the Cheezits? Did I eat all the chocolate?
Don’t get me wrong. I love TPC. But for the last decades, he’s worked long hours, and I’ve been a loner. I’m good at being a hermit. 
He made a Honey Do list. I thought, “YAY! He’ll be busy, and I’ll have writing time.” 
Right. Apparently Honey Do chores require an audience, if not assistance.
And every freaking item on the list requires a trip to a hardware store. I’m told in the small print on his retirement papers, which seem to have gone mysteriously missing, it says that I must accompany him on these errands.
And --he goes grocery shopping with me. Seriously. 
Grocery shopping with a husband is different. Yes. I shop with a list. No. Not everything I’m going to buy will be on the list. No. There is no rule that it has to be written on the list to make it into the cart. Fine. I’ll write it on the list before I put it in the cart so he can cross it off. Seriously. 
Magically the errand trips all happen at lunch time. That guy who ate the fast food for a month and gained all the weight was Not Kidding. I’ve loaded on at least ten pounds since the TPC’s retirement! 
I’ve always loved fast food. But the unthinkable has happened. I’ve had enough!!! 
I want fresh food cooked at home. Preferably by TPC, who is by far the better cook. So I bought him a Cooking Light cookbook, and a brand new cookbook holder. (I’m not admitting it, but he’s right. I did manage to drop and break the old acrylic cookbook holder. Not easy to do, but I am a proud and accomplished klutz.) He cooked tonight, but I’m fairly certain the cheese tacos (shells of pure cheese) are not in that cookbook. Still, if it’s served on the china we bought when we got married, and I weighed less than two hippos tied together, doesn’t that cancel out half the calories? 
Thank goodness I’m not retiring. How much weight gain would that cost me? 


  1. I avoid those hardware store trips at all costs.


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