Wrong Numbers by the Sexes

Wrong Number by the Sexes 
23 Feb 2011
Until yesterday, apparently The Prince Consort had never fielded a wrong number from another man. Hard to credit, but I saw it up close and personal. 
This is how it went: TPC answers the phone, pause on his end, then he explains that no, there is no Mitch here. Then comes the Big Mistake. How can one male NOT know how to deal with another? 
TPC does not hang up. He stays on the phone with wrong-number- Randy. TPC explains why he is sure there is no Mitch here. Really. Finally TPC and Randy hang up. 
Wait for it.   
A few minutes pass. The phone rings again. Caller ID says it’s our friend wrong-number-Randy, again. The entertainment value is too great. I let TPC answer again. But he’s not a slow learner. He sees the Caller ID and lets the answering machine pick up. 
I’m impressed. I’ve used that tactic before. The answering machine blinks. A message has been left, but it does that even when someone listens to the answering machine message and then hangs up. 
That’s the thing. When a woman misdials, it’s easy. Women believe you when you tell them Mitch is not now nor has ever been a resident here, or even a visitor. Men. Nope. Men work on the theory that I don’t know who’s in my house, or have invaded Mitch’s house to answer a random phone, or can be convinced to hand over Mitch, who is bound and gagged in a chair in the dining room. 
I have considered learning to do ‘voices’ so I can play the role of Mitch. However my normal speaking voice is an octave above a chipmunk, so it’s questionable if I can pull this off.
A few minutes later the phone rings again. It’s wrong-number-Randy. Clearly time for firmer tactics. I pick up, tell Randy there is no Mitch here, and hang up as Randy starts his “prove it” dialogue. That was Randy’s last call.
As I hang up, I notice the blinking light on the answering machine. I check. And yes. It’s Randy. Before the third call, he left a full message for Mitch. Seriously. The machine told him it wasn’t Mitch’s house, but he wasn’t buying it. Thus that third call.
So here’s my phone message for all those males out there new to answering wrong numbers from other males. Do not discuss how you are sure Mitch is not there, and never has been. Wrong-number-Randy knows you’re lying. And you’ve shown weakness by discussing. 
Be brief. Be firm. Say wrong number, hang up.
For the male wrong-number-dialers: the person who answers the phone does NOT owe you an explanation for how you dialed the wrong number. For pity sake you dialed it, probably on a cellphone while driving. Take off your gloves. Stop the car. Don’t hit redial. Making the same mistake three times does not change the outcome.  And, seriously, leaving a message does not magically change who you dialed. Trust me. 
Just because I can start my computer and program my DVD recorder, doesn’t mean I am capable of some kind of cabalistic technology and scheming to steal Mitch’s phone calls. Really. 

Although it could be a goal. 


  1. What I did once, when the caller called a third time to see if X was there was just say, Oh, X is way too drunk to come to the phone...


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