A Tale of Two Thrones

8 Nov. 2010 
A Tale of Two Thrones
Every Prince Consort needs a throne, or three. Two of The Prince Consort’s thrones underwent renovation in the last couple weeks. 
First there is the ebony throne, the toilet in the master bathroom. After my war with the water department this summer, ( By reading my own water meter, I proved the department meter reader had not actually read mine for over two months. He’d just hit a number he liked and kept submitting the same exact number each month, double our actual usage.) I was looking for any water saving schemes. An ad for a dual flush toilet mechanism for old toilets popped up. The customer reviews said it was easy to install and worked like a charm. 
So The Prince Consort and I set off. We hunted down the dual flush mechanism and hauled it home. The instructions said max fifteen minutes to take out the old and install the new. When we grumbled past the fifteen minute mark, I retreated to my office. 
From long years of marriage to His Highness, I’ve learned to beat it at a certain level of dual grumbling. Full out war over little stuff doesn’t pay. Retreat, and wait for the tension to die down. Which it did in just a few minutes. Some skeptics may leap to the conclusion that my supervision had much to do with the tension level/grumbling. I admit nothing. 
One installation re-do later, ( After TPC shouted to me, “Does this toilet always fill this slowly?” Which he would not know, since he avoids the ebony porcelain throne where everybody knows anacondas hide. Have to protect the royal jewels, you know. Sorry.) 
the dual flush was perfectly installed.
Start to finish, maybe twenty-five minutes, and The Prince Consort and I were “green.”  For further savings, I collect shower water in a bucket, to fill the toilet tank after a flush. Come on water department! I’m keeping track! 
On to Throne number two: The TV Chair, the throne in which The Prince Consort watches endless hours of sports over the weekend, any sport anywhere. Since we must have satellite to get any channels, he has access to a myriad of sports that boggles the mind. But the tired old TV Chair gave The Consort Prince neck aches and hip pain. 
I decreed we’d invest in a new, and cross-my-fingers, stylish recliner, a Christmas present to ourselves. So we boarded the royal coach (mini van-The Dude) and headed into town. Three furniture stores later, we staggered back to The Dude, suffering with  sticker-stun. I could have a VERY fancy ‘green’ washer and dryer for those prices.  
And here’s why The Prince Consort holds his title unchallenged and always will. He came up with the PERFECT idea. Arts and Crafts! We take the old old old wingback chair we bought when we were first married and reupholster it. Genius! 
We dragged the wingback upstairs. Online I found detailed instructions on reupholstering. We made the battle plans. So what about the original TV Throne? With the reupholstering instructions came the bit about taking the ‘gauzy fabric’ off. A light bulb went off in the dark recesses of my cobwebbed brain. 
The problem with The TV Throne was the saggy bottom. We removed the gauzy material from the bottom of TV Chair. Low and behold, the wire frame holding the springs in place was broken. The Prince Consort knew what to do. He screwed a board to the wooden chair frame, thus holding the springs close to the chair bottom. Behold! The TV Chair is Throne in Residence again.  
Now onward to reupholstering the old old old wingback chair. After all TPC’s wife needs  a throne too.  


  1. Good job, you all! My husband can deal with all those handy man jobs but it sometimes involves a fair bit of cursing and the dogs and I just tiptoe quietly away.


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