Bye Bye First Husband

2 September 2010
Seriously. He should have known better. After forty years, come on. But yesterday I finally printed out all my blogs for Mr. X, previously referred to as First Husband. (Printing them out so he could read them proves both of my brain cells are Not always firing.) He read through, looked at me, and saId, “Two things. I did Not scream like a little girl. (See- Dark Ops or Possible Stupid Wednesday) And what’s this First Husband stuff?” 
I told him screaming like a little girl read better than writing that he kept yelling over and over, “There’s thousands of them. There’s thousands of them. There’s thousands ….” And as for First Husband, that was for the humor. 
Well, he spent the rest of the evening griping about “First Husband, soon to be EX-First Husband.” Sigh. So Mr. X needs a new name. My friend Joan made some loving suggestions for substitutions. Far more sensitive names, which just proves she’s a nicer human than I am. 
Truth be told, Mr. X deserves a better pseudonym, not to mention a medal for staying married to me. I came up with Beloved Present Husband. But that’s a lot of syllables. My grandmother called Grandpa ‘My Friend’. She always said it with a smile. Sometimes that smile was sardonic, when he was being a handful. More often it was full of love. 
My parents signed cards to each other “Obviously”, which I always thought genius. In one word they summed up a long amazing marriage and love affair. 
Help me out. Right now it’s either Mr. X,, or Current Prince Consort, or He Who Leaves His Shoes All Over the House Like He’s Leaving Bread Crumbs for Hansel and Gretel. 
What do you call your beloved significant other? Be nice. But help! 


  1. I have been using "The {insert first name}" when he is not around. I think it gives the proper amount of titled reverence without being overly explicit. Plus, usually people who know him then repeat "The {insert first name}" and chuckle, which is fun.

  2. JM, I love it!! Clearly your mother raised one inventive, funny, and smart progeny!

  3. Great blog, Kath--I'm hooked already.
    Keep 'em coming!

  4. Well, of your choices I like Prince Consort. But perhaps he needs something that indicates you aren't interested in trading him in for a newer model. How about Mr. Right?

    Or a shortened version of your other choice: He Who Scatters Footwear (HWSF).

  5. LOL Current Prince Consort has a nice ring to it.

  6. Thank you, Candace, Terry, and Angie. Prince Consort it is, until he gets a promotion.


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